


The Importance Of Gathering Evidence

by LilydaleXF



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Banter, F/M, Humor, Picking on Chris Carter’s interpretation of MSR, Season/Series 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:51:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6933130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilydaleXF/pseuds/LilydaleXF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't understand why Mulder and Scully were living apart from one another and not romantically involved in season 10? They don't understand it either!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Importance Of Gathering Evidence

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Anjou for the read-through and encouragement.

"Hey Scully, why aren't we living together anymore?"

"Don't be stupid, Mulder."

"We were living together for a while there, weren't we? I wasn't just dreaming about waking up next to you? And how we never had enough closet space for all my grey t-shirts and all your low cut cardigans?"

"Is there any real evidence?"

"Oh no, don't go pulling that on me again. _My head must have been conveniently turned away at the crucial moment, Mulder, because I never saw any kind of spaceship._ "

"But I really didn't ever see anything!"

"How handy."

"You can't blame me for not being the UFO magnet that you are, Mulder."

"Of course not. Because you're magnet ground zero. You got abducted first."

"Huh. You're right.

"Woo-hoo!"

"Stop it with the hands pumping up in victory, Mulder. You look ridiculous."

"You love it."

"It is true that if I didn’t enjoy seeing you look ridiculous, our relationship would have ended years ago because I wouldn't have ever been able to open my eyes in your general vicinity."

"We have a relationship?"

"I don't know. I guess?"

"You guess, Scully?"

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

" _You're the dreamiest dreamboat that has ever lived, Fox Mulder, and you are so brilliant and debonair, and I want to spend every day naked with you, and I promise I won't doubt the existence of extraterrestrials ever again._ "

"It's also true that if I didn't enjoy hearing you sound ridiculous we would have parted ways years ago."

"Likewise."

"But I don't know about our relationship, Mulder. We seem to like each other okay."

"Yeah. And we unnecessarily touch each other a lot."

"Yeah. And we communicate very well with just glances and raised eyebrows."

"Yeah. And you're hot."

"Yeah. And we don't just call each other to talk at all hours, we show up unannounced in person to do so."

"Yeah. And I'm hot."

"Yeah. And we have each other’s keys."

"About that. Where do you actually live, Scully?"

"That is a dumb question, even for you, Mulder. You have keys."

"But really, Scully? Where do you live? I've never even been there. Or do you live at the house with me? Did we get more closets?"

“Maybe they’re keys for my office at the hospital, not for a house.”

“You don’t know?”

“Don’t you?”

“How would I know, Scully? They’re your keys!”

“Well, technically they’re yours.”

“No, no, no. I won’t let you just throw logic back at me this time. Your logic will not work here.”

“Is there any logic at work here?”

“Good point.”

“I’m at the hospital so much it feels like I simply live there.”

“You work too much, Scully.”

“Children’s ear deformities do not surgically repair themselves, Mulder.”

“And that’s what you did all the time, before we started back with these X-Files? Fix ears?”

“Basically.”

“No pathology at all?”

“Nope.”

“Doesn’t that seem strange to you?”

“Not being elbows-deep in dead bodies is the standard of normal?”

“For you it is. Explain to me again why you switched specialties?”

“That’s a tough question.”

“Scully, you know fucking everything about everything. You can explain this.”

“Well, I guess I switched from pathology to kids’ ears, with that detour in between into brain surgery or whatever, because I know fucking everything about everything.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“Now remind me, what exactly are you doing, Mulder? Are you working at all? It seems like you’re just always in the house, making strange bulletin boards and not shaving for weeks on end.”

“That about sums it up.”

“But why? Why are you doing that?”

“I dunno.”

“Oh come on, Mulder.”

“It just seemed like the thing to do, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“You always seem to be gone, maybe or maybe not because you do not live in the same house as me, and without you to listen to my witty observations, watch my elaborate slide shows, and ask me all sorts of skeptical questions until I can come with a narrative that makes any sort of sense this side of ludicrous, it doesn’t seem worth it.”

“Do you want to show me a slide show?”

“Oooo! You’d watch a slide show now?”

“Not really, but I’d pretend I’m paying attention if you wanted to show me one.”

“You are no fun at all, Scully.”

“I’m fun sometimes.”

“Are you taking off your cardigan now as a start to show me how fun?”

“No. I’m hot.”

“I thought we already established that you’re hot.”

“Then why aren’t we having sex?”

“Right now?”

“Now, ever, whenever.”

“I’m pretty sure I’d have sex with you anytime, Scully.”

“Me too, Mulder.”

“Huh. Then why aren’t we having sex?”

“I don’t know, Mulder, that’s why I asked you.”

“Have we ever had sex?”

“I am going to try very hard to not be offended by that question.”

“I mean, I think I’d know, Scully, but . . . have we? Is it a possibly real fantasy like us living together?”

“Uh, now that you mention it . . . .”

“You don’t know either?”

“It seems like we surely must have, but . . . .”

“Exactly.”

“Is this lack of memory a remnant of alien mind tampering that we may have experienced on our respective unplanned trips out of the forest into space or a government lab or wherever?”

“Maybe, Scully.”

“So I get abducted _and_ I don’t get to keep a clear memory of all the sex we’ve had? I don’t know how to go about applying for retroactive hazard pay and extensive economic reimbursement for mental anguish from the FBI, but I might need to find out.”

“Agreed. I was so good it’s a tragedy you can’t remember it.”

“You can’t remember it either!”

“Maybe it’s less that I can’t remember and more that I am on a constant search for new evidence. Will you help me gather erotic evidence, Scully?”

“That is a dreadful come-on line, Mulder.”

“But you’re still going to have sex with me.”

“I guess.”

“That is a horrible prelude to foreplay, Scully.”

“Then I take it back.”

“Will you at least kiss me?”

“I definitely remember kissing you before.”

“Yeah, Scully, me too. You punched me in the face.”

“I did not!”

“Not after that first time you didn’t.”

“Mulder, you’re crazy.”

“You love it.”

“I kind of do, actually. What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing. I’m a catch.”

“I tend to thinking of catching in terms of transmission of disease, like catching the flu, and in that sense I think I can agree that you’re catching.”

“Comparing me to a disease is even worse foreplay than before, Scully.”

“You know what I mean, Mulder.”

“Scully, I almost never know what you mean.”

“I mean that you’ve infected me.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”

“Yes. It may be completely unclear what we’re doing and why we’re doing it and where we go home after we’re done doing it, but it’s clear that you’re a part of me.”

“And you’re a part of me.”

“What are you doing, Mulder?”

“Blurring the line between the parts where I end and you begin.”

“By pulling me onto your lap and entrapping me with your arms?”

“Yes.”

“You think holding me here by force will keep me from going home?”

“Maybe you are home.”

“Let me go get my keys and check.”

“Quiet, Scully. I’m gathering evidence.”


End file.
